How Do I Give Myself Grace When I Feel Inconsistent?

Today I’m responding to a question from one of you about inconsistency, and how to give yourself grace when you’re not showing up the way you want to.

This episode is for anyone who’s been feeling like their capacity isn’t what it used to be or like there’s a quiet pressure to “get it together” that you can’t quite meet right now…

We’re not trying to fix anything here. We’re just aiming to gently understand what might be asking for your attention, and what it could look like to meet yourself differently.

This episode may resonate if you are:

• feeling inconsistent or frustrated with yourself for not showing up the way you normally do
• moving through a season where your energy, focus, or capacity feels different
• holding yourself to expectations that feel harder to meet right now
• navigating anxiety, grief, burnout, or emotional overwhelm
• used to being dependable, productive, or “on top of things”—and feeling off from that version of yourself
• learning how to listen to your body instead of pushing past it
• wanting to build self-trust in a way that feels gentler and more sustainable

If you’re finding that this is something you’re navigating, I offer one-on-one sessions where we can gently explore what’s coming up for you and what support might look like in this season. You can find more information at srlwellbeing.com (linked here in the show notes).

And if you have a question you’d like me to respond to in a future episode, you can leave it in the comments or email me at hello@srlwellbeing.com. This is a space we’re building together.

A few reflections to sit with

• What do I need right now—not ideally, but honestly?
• What might my body be asking of me that I’ve been taught to override?
• Where can I soften, even slightly?
• What would it look like to meet myself where I am today?

It’s okay if you need to move at a gentler pace right now.

You’re being asked to meet yourself differently, and that, in itself, is a kind of consistency.
 
We get to reclaim and rewrite what consistency looks like for us.

Sending you lots of love and gentleness.

Music

Mad Keys — “Tea & Lemonade”

Continue the journey

Work with me / explore offerings:
srlwellbeing.com

Watch the podcast on YouTube:
youtube.com/@softalchemyspace

Follow along on Instagram

@softalchemyspace
@srlwellbeing
@iamstevierenee

About this space

Soft Alchemy is the evolution of my earlier work, In Case Nobody Told You. While the name has changed, the heart remains the same: creating grounded, honest spaces for healing, reflection, and liberation—especially for sensitive, intuitive, and self-led beings navigating growth in a complicated world.

A gentle note

This podcast isn’t here to fix you.
It’s here to sit with you.
Let it meet you where you are.
Let your evolution unfold in its own time.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:01

You're listening to Soft Alchemy, a bi-weekly altar space for transmutation and return. I'm Stevie Renee, and in this sacred container, you're invited to soften, to breathe, and to come home to your inner wisdom. On this podcast, we sit with the story shaping us, we honor what's tender, and how the everyday moments of our lives become embodied medicine. Every episode is an offering for who you're becoming. A place where what I'm learning in my own life becomes a path you can follow back to yourself. So take a breath, settle into your body, and welcome home. Welcome to Soft Alchemy. Welcome back to Soft Alchemy Family. For today's episode, I actually wanted to take some time to respond to reviewer comments that I received back in February, I believe it was. And they were asking me to do a session on inconsistency and how to give ourselves grace when we're not necessarily showing up in the ways that we may want to. And at first, I was thinking that I was going to just fold that conversation into a larger episode. But then I have this moment where I was like, why not make this its own standalone episode? Why not make this something that is more personal? So I want to carve out a space on this show where not only do I respond to your questions, but I also offer reflections that can support you in finding your own answers and building self-trust along the way. So today's question comes from Deepa. Hi, Deepa. Firstly, I just really want to thank you for tuning in, for watching, for commenting, just for being here, truly. And I also really want to thank you for your patience. I record episodes in advance. So it did take me a little bit of time bringing this one to life since I already had a few episodes queued up, but I'm really grateful that you asked this question. And I am really excited to sit with it together. So a couple of months ago, you asked if I might do an episode on inconsistency and giving yourself grace. And when I read your comment, I immediately felt how real it was, how honest it was. And it resonated with me so much because this is something that I've lived with for most of my life and something that I have had to learn to do and that I'm still learning how to do in real time, right? As someone who has always been a hard worker, I would even say an overachiever at times. You know, someone who likes to show up with everything handled and everything checked off and everything in order. Learning that I can't always show up that way has been a really humbling and a very human lesson for me to learn. So when I read your question, I imagine that you might feel like you're letting yourself down. You know, maybe you even feel like you're letting other people down. Or maybe you're just confused, like, you know, why can't I show up in the ways that I normally do? I feel like this question is coming from someone who is used to being reliable. Right. I feel like, you know, you might be someone who is used to being the one that people can count on, or at the very least, used to getting things done and staying on top of things, you know, staying consistent. And in this moment, you might be in a season where, for whatever reason, whether it is something external in the world or something that is deeply personal to you in your own life and in your own internal world, you just don't have the capacity to show up that way right now. And even if your reasons are valid, even if your reasons are deeply human, there's still this voice that says, I should be able to do more. Why can't I do more? You know, I have to get this done. And if I don't show up in the way that I'm supposed to, then I'm going to fall behind, or I'm going to lose something, or something is going to fall apart. And I really want to sit in that for a moment and validate that experience, if that is your experience, because I know that experience very, very well. And for most of my life, you know, this has shown up in so many ways. I am, so I have a Capricorn stellium in Western astrology and in Vedic astrology. I'm also a Capricorn son. So I am wired to work. I am wired to get things done. And I've always been someone who is organized and I'd like to also think dependable, you know, and someone who shows up for work, someone who shows up for their teams, um, and someone who shows up for myself, you know. But I am also someone who has lived with anxiety for most of my life. I was diagnosed in 2018, and then in 2023, I was diagnosed with panic disorder with agoraphobia. And that completely shifted how I'm able to show up in the world. Like completely shifted, not just physically, but also energetically and spiritually and emotionally. I had to learn very slowly that my nervous system is not always meant to be quote unquote on, right? That forcing myself to show up in ways that go against what my body is asking me for doesn't necessarily make me stronger. It just ends up overwhelming me in the long run and flooding my nervous system. And there is a way to show up. There is a way to move through the world and to do what needs to be done. But for me, it has to be gentle, right? It has to be measured, and it has to start with how I treat myself. And if I can be really honest, this has been especially present for me this year. And at the time of me recording this, my grandfather, who is my only present father figure, is nearing the end of his life. You know, he's 96. He has lived 96 long years and has been dealing with a series of health issues that has just caused his health to decline to decline rapidly in the past couple of years. And coming to terms with that, it has really brought up a level of anticipatory grief that honestly has stopped me in my tracks. You know, there was a period recently where I actually had to step away from my work. And I had to pause recording. You know, I can't be the version of myself who is checking off every box and who is overextending and who is is pushing through. And that is okay. You know, that is more than okay. I have to be the version of myself who is still. I have to be the version of myself who grieves, you know, who gives herself space in the morning to cry, to journal, to sit with what is real for me in this moment, to sit with my feelings without pushing them to the side in the name of showing up, you know, and that too is a form of showing up. So I want to offer you a gentle reframe. Because I don't think the question, I don't actually think the question is why am I being inconsistent? I think the question might be, what is my body asking of me that I've been taught to override? Right? A lot of what we understand as consistency, this idea of always being on, always producing, always doing, it doesn't come from us. It comes from systems, it comes from capitalism, it comes from patriarchy, right? From cultures that reward output over presence, that reward performance over humanity, right? And being human. And for so many of us, you know, especially for someone like me as a black woman, and for marginalized people more broadly, and for those of us who were raised around survival, we were taught you just have to get it done. You know, that's something I heard all the time growing up, and that I still hear right now, you know. So when we can't just get it done, right? We we don't we don't see it as a need to pause that our soul may be asking us for, we see it as failure, right? But what I've come to understand is that you're not failing, you're responding, right? You are responding to your capacity, you are responding to your emotions, to your life. So here's the soft truth that I want to offer you, Depa, and and anybody else listening. You are not inconsistent. You are in a relationship with your capacity, and your capacity is allowed to change. And maybe the place to practice consistency is not in how much you produce, but in how deeply you listen to yourself, right? Can you be consistent in checking in with your body? Can you be consistent in honoring what you hear from your inner voice and responding to yourself with care instead of criticism? So instead of asking, why can't I just get it together? Maybe you begin to ask, what do I need right now? Right? What am I being asked to hold or to release? And what would support me in this moment, even if it looks different from what I planned? Then maybe grace starts to look like adjusting the timeline, you know, doing less, but doing it with presence, letting something be imperfect, or better yet, allowing something to wait. What would it look like for you to practice grace this week? Not in theory and not as an idea, but in one real tangible moment where you choose yourself, where you allow yourself to soften, where you listen instead of push. And for both Deepa and all my listeners and viewers, if you're finding that this is something that you're navigating, and if you're in a season where your capacity is shifting, or you're simply learning how to meet yourself in a new way, I want you to know that you don't have to do that alone. I do offer one-on-one sessions where we can definitely explore this together. And you can learn more about that on my website, srlwellbeing.com, which is always linked in the YouTube description or the show notes, just depending on how you're tuning in. Okay. And this is also a space that we're building together. And so if you have a question that you'd like me to respond to in a future episode, I want to invite you to leave it down in the comments or reach out to me over email. My email is hello at srlwellbeing.com. I read every single message that I receive. And whether it's something you're navigating or something that you're questioning, or just something that you're simply trying to understand better about yourself, this is a space where we can definitely explore that together. So please don't hesitate to reach out. Right. And if that's the space you're in, you're simply just being asked to meet yourself differently. And in that, you know, that in itself is a form of consistency. And we get to rewrite and reclaim what consistency looks like for us. Thank you so much for being here and for letting me share this sacred container with you. If today's offering resonated with you and you'd like to stay in touch, you can stay connected with me and this work at srlwellbeing.com. And if you feel called, you can subscribe, share the episode, or even leave a review. Until next time, keep breathing gently, keep trusting your truth, and keep honoring the softness that's guiding you home. I'll meet you back here soon.